To Coach, or not?

I just realized that it’s been almost a year since I have posted anything here. That has not been because I have given up on what I want to do. I have just been so focused on trying to learn so much that it has distracted me from something really important.

On top of all the craziness that has overcome the world in 2020, I have had a whole lot more ‘free time’ on my hands. So, I took advantage of the opportunity and dug into my studies on all that I could find on coaching, spirituality, the mind and even psychology. I took courses and became a Certified Life Coach, thinking that I had to have some sort of qualification or title before I could help anyone. Besides, who the hell is going to hire someone that’s not qualified, right? I could not have been more wrong in my approach.

Probably, the greatest insight and understanding I have ever had is the realization that all the teachings, training, certifications and gurus in the world cannot get me through the life challenges that I face each and every day. Yes, it can and does help millions of people across the planet to learn techniques and coping skills. Good therapist and coaches are true heroes in changing lives. But, that’s not the point I want to make here.

There are 2 terms that I want to share with you that has completely transformed my entire life. They are, inside-out and outside-in. You may already understand what I mean, but let me explain how understanding the difference between those 2 terms has changed my life.

We must first understand how and where we actually experience life. Where does life really happen for each individual person? Try to stay with me here as I am just trying to explain what this means to me.

I first began to understand that each and every one of my experiences in every situation was happening inside me. It makes no difference what is going on around me or around the entire world, my entire experience of any event happens within me. Talk about an eye-opener. There can be a thousand people involved in a single event and if you were able to record each persons experience of that event, you would have a thousand different experiences. That’s the reality of life and the human consciousness of experience.

This powerful understanding led me to realize that all of my experiences in life was happening from the inside-out. With that simple understanding, I began to realize that because my experience was originating from within me, I could have a choice in how I experience anything. This meant, for me, that I could no longer justify placing blame or responsibility on anyone or anything for the outcome of my experience.

That sure did take a huge load off a lot of people in my life who I used to hold responsible for the outcome of my experiences.

So now, here’s what I learned about the opposing term, outside-in. It’s all an illusion and there can be no reality to an outside-in experience. Remember, all experiences can and do happen from within each and every person. The outside-in theory is only a belief or too many times it becomes nothing more than an excuse. Blaming someone or something else for our experiences seems to be all too common and easy to do.

I DO NOT want to come across as insensitive to what you or someone else is experiencing. That IS NOT what I intend to express here at all.

Millions of people in the world are going through really shitty experiences in life that they did not ask for and definitely do not deserve. Life can truly suck and I can attest to that truth. However, no matter how challenging or difficult the situation may be, I believe there is always a sparkle of hope that can be discovered within the darkness of any situation.

“Any amount of light can overcome darkness, but no amount of darkness can overtake any amount of light”

How does all of this apply to life, you, me and coaching? Only you can choose how to understand and apply any of this to your own life.

For me, all of this new understanding has allowed me to STOP trying to become something that I am not because I thought that’s what I needed to be for my clients and everyone else. The truth is, the only thing I need to be for anyone else in my life is to just be myself and be real to my own truth within me. That’s it, nothing else.

My choice, is to NOT coach, at least not the way the world thinks a coach should be. What I will do instead, for my clients and everyone else, is just show up with all of my life experiences, successes and failures. I will look in the same direction as whoever I am with and offer guidance along side the person to locate that little spark in the darkness.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness” -Desmond Tutu

Published by Curtis Daniel

Transformational Life Coach, Educator, Author

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